why the hell am i doing something productive so early??

7/17/11 7:30 am, already at church, 45 minutes before i need to be!

just got to church__i was able to drag myself out of bed early enough to catch the bus. yes, i'm tired as hell (alarm went off at 6:20) but the payoff is that i'm here with enough time not only to write today, but to enjoy a leisurely breakfast. and i do always appreciate the slow pace of the city on a sunday morning.

there is a woman sitting on the steps who has recently taken up residence at st. bart's__one of the many persons we see here on a daily basis. she is unquestionably mentally ill__i would guess she is a paranoid schizophrenic (i have personally witnessed her screaming at passersby for no apparent reason; the police were even here just yesterday, attempting to ameliorate some situation in which she played a part.)

i am saddened by this woman. sad that she is ostensibly homeless; sad that mental illness exists on such a noticeable level in NYC, not to mention the entire country, even the world; saddened by the social ostracizing that typically surrounds such people.

i am saddened even more by the dog this woman always has with her__looking so lethargic, as if s/he hasn't had any food or water for days. i have wanted to bring this woman some water for her dog, but hear that others have tried, and that she yells at them, saying the water has been poisoned__even though it's bottled. yes, it makes me sad that this poor defenseless animal seems to suffer due to this woman's illness.

yet, who am i to even think such thoughts? maybe the dog, too, is mentally ill. does mental illness exist in animals? i don't know. should someone call the ASPCA? i can't answer that. what i feel i can answer is that if the ASPCA does take away this poor woman's only worldly companion, then her worst fears will be actualized, her paranoia vindicated.

perhaps it is harmful to leave things as they are. but i, for one, will not call the ASPCA, unless i see her physically beating the animal. that dog is the only thing she has. and we, as a society, have failed this woman. and her dog. just as we have failed so many__too many__others. all i can do is leave her alone with her mental illness. and her best friend (who is perhaps her only friend.)

i guess it counts for something__anything__that i simply care.

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