You Can Blame Me For The Coronavirus!!

YOU CAN BLAME ME FOR THE CORONAVIRUS!!

(Author’s note: for context, in order to understand this post, I recommend you read my 2010 blog article linked in the comments below - either before or after you read this post.)

Okay, so obviously I didn’t “cause” this virus, per se.

And okay, it’s also not just my fault. But, you see, I’m probably one of a billion (if not 5 billion? Who knows?) people out there who have just been going through the macabre motions of living for far too long. Those burned out from the daily grind, the repetitive monotonous carbon-copy-of-yesterday groundhog-day-syndrome sickness, searing from centuries of the indelible indoctrination of that positively passé Protestant work ethic, exacerbated by the tenuous trajectory of a tumultuous and tiresome tyranny of a grab-all-the-goods government fully filtered through the faux-philanthropic facade of fealty masquerading as a mealticket through minimum wage work.

(Yes, I’ve probably seen “V for Vendetta” too many times by now, but feel quite vindicated in this post - a vast vessel of verbiage veering towards veracity, vetting the veneer of the state-provided visage of Heaven, Avalon or Valhalla, which is very truly just prevarications of vainly veiled Vampires, Vaders, and Voldemorts behind the proverbial curtain, vilifying the rest of us as vassals, vagrants and vagabonds. Victory will be ours!)

Simply stated, you don’t work, you don’t eat.

Or, put more plainly - you have to jump through the haranguing hoops if you hope to have any semblance of security: To work 40-hours a week “minimum” if you want decent housing, health care, food, and the ability to “retire” — but only if you’re able to amass enough economic capital to carry you into your “golden” years. (Although I wouldn’t count on that, if I were you.)

I’ve never even had a *#@^ing savings account! I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. I have student debt and credit card debt. And I’ve actually got what most folks would call a “decent” job.

Let’s face it. Whether you drop out of high school, or only get your high school diploma, or even if you go on to college — we are all basically expected to get a job, get married, have kids, buy a house, and get a dog and a white picket fence once we face adulthood. We’ll split the difference and say that full-time work begins when you turn 21.

(Welcome to adulthood! Now you can legally spend your hard-earned income diluting that draining feeling of dread and stifling your sorrows through self-medication, sucking up to the crass conniving advertising control of the Coors Light and Corona* corporations, cracking a cold one in the hopes of healing your heartbroken aspirations and dreams, or just downright daily drowning your sorrows in a sea of sweet suds until that stupid alarm clock clangs and crows, cajoling you out of that semblance of slumber you sought, stultified by the realization that reality has returned: YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK.)

(* = the beer, not the virus ;-) )

So, you get your first full-time job at 21. And in the good ole U. S. of A, the earliest you will possibly hope to retire is at 66 (again — ONLY if you’ve got the proper 401K, savings, stock options, etc., and MAYBE if there is any social security left by that point).

THAT MEANS 45 YEARS OF MINDLESS LABOR FOR MOST OF THE WORK FORCE. Yes, I know there are lots of people out there who love their jobs. But, what percentage of the population might that REALLY be? (And how much does one’s salary or “worth” amount to such an appreciation? ) My guess would be that a very small percentage of the populace actually love their jobs - and the rest of us go through potentially 5 DECADES of feeing like a “cog in the machine.”

Everybody’s working for the weekend, right??

To be clear: I do not “hate” my job. But, I feel that given my educational experience (I have 2 bachelors and 2 masters degrees), my artistic aspirations (in addition to being a songwriter, composer, and arranger, I have put on, really, SEVEN WHOLLY UNIQUE concerts the likes of which NEW YORK CITY has probably never seen), my theological thinking (I wrote a “credit with distinction” masters thesis on a likewise entirely original subject, portions of which have been published), and my intellectual industriousness (when I have had the wherewithal, time, and especially the energy, I have written in my blog, I started a novel, I wrote a travel memoir, and I started a work of nonfiction [ironically, about the end of the world!]), it seems like “society” should have been able to come up with SOMETHING - ANYTHING - more pursuant to my skillset and in my wheelhouse. So, again: I have a “decent” job - and I really do work with some incredibly lovely people. But, I mostly have felt like just a cog in the machine, vocationally speaking. And, honestly, it is really the lack of variety in my job, and the monotony of the daily routine, that have pushed me to the point where I felt like I was on the brink. Ready to break.

So, you see, this pandemic really is my fault - at least partially. I’m one of those people so simultaneously jaded, bored, and tired, that I watch shows like “Walking Dead” and literally think “I’ll bet I’d do better in that kind of scenario.” What can I say - I’m an Eagle Scout, I have quick reflexes, and such a situation would at least be DIFFERENT. It’d be something NEW. (Note: I’m also good with either a gun or a bow and arrow! So when the FIT really hits the SHAN, I hope you’ll consider me for your bunker! ;-) )

THAT is the energy I’ve been putting out to the universe, and for a long time. My question for my audience is: how many other people have been putting this same or similar  energy out to the universe, and for a substantial, sustained number of years? How many of you have been thinking, “This is just downright ridiculous”? Have some of you been exclaiming, “The world can’t continue on like this!” Hands up if you’ve ever thought, “I really just want to leave it all behind and go live in the woods!” Speak up if you are to be counted among those who have thought, “Yeah, bring on the apocalypse, cause at least it’s something different!” Who among you have said, “Mother Earth, please forgive us for what we have done to you”?

And yes, let’s not forget Mother Nature’s part in all this. With a bunch of right wing science-denying, fact-ignoring, power-hungry, cash-is-king, pin-striped power brokers pushing the entire planetary trajectory on a “highway to hell” — eschewing any concern whatsoever for the environmental fragility that has moved to the forefront of the consciousness for anyone paying the slightest bit of attention — wasn’t it time for the planet to say “Y’ALL MOFOS IS CRAY CRAY! I. Literally. Just. Can’t. With. You. All.” It was probably inevitable that something like this would FORCE us to take a step back; to stop for one damn minute to catch our collective global breath in the midst of our money-driven marathon while we recklessly careened towards the proverbial cliff with the earth strapped into a babyseat in the wayback, saying  “Hush up back there, little Gaia, mommy and daddy need to discuss our next strategic stock options!”

So, I have, for many years now, been feeling like “I just can’t do this anymore.” And I have honestly felt for about the better part of a year that I was literally at the point of having either a heart attack, stroke, or a nervous breakdown. So, honestly? This pandemic has basically saved me. It is one of the best things that has happened in my entire adult life.

Reminder: I am writing to you from NYC — where, as of this moment, we have had OVER A QUARTER OF A MILLION CONFIRMED CASES AND ALMOST 20 THOUSAND DEATHS as a result of this virus. Which means that I could literally be dead by the end of the week. If I die, at least I didn’t perish in the midst of a whirlwind turmoil of eking out an exacerbated existence. I will have done so with one or two months of relative peace, calm, and a sense of tranquility, with time to reflect on my life, and what it means to be alive at all. If I get through this, and even if life just goes back to the exact same way it was before, then at least I got a chance to catch my breath — an unexpected sabbatical gift of sorts, for which I will give eternal thanks.

And let it be known that I DO recognize that I am “lucky” in the midst of all this. I am still working remotely, so my salary wasn’t affected. (I did, however, lose quite a bit of income that was scheduled for what looked to be a lucrative spring singing season — so there has been a “pause” in my ability to completely stay atop my finances, as I’m unable to make substantial payments to my creditors.) I have health insurance. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have an amazing best friend / roommate / partner who is helping me to face this with a sense of humor, so I am not alone. (And of course I have 2 wonderful cats who are THRILLED that I am home all the time now!) And most importantly, I now have time to WRITE and to SING and to READ and to THINK and to BREATHE and to MEDITATE and to SLEEP and to EAT WELL and to CLEAN and to FLOSS and to CALL FRIENDS AND FAMILY, and to CATCH UP ON TASKS PUT OFF FOR FAR TOO LONG, etc., etc. So, really, I am actually EXTREMELY lucky. Again, this was entirely needed for me and by me. I know I’m probably being a bit selfish for thinking this way, but again: I WAS PROBABLY GOING TO LITERALLY DIE IF THINGS HAD STAYED THE WAY THEY WERE FOR MUCH LONGER.

I know that many are suffering - out of work; financially strapped; alone and lonely; have lost loved ones to the disease; trapped in a dangerous domestic situation; abusing drugs or alcohol; overindulging in media hype and hysteria; going insane. But the world is not equal. Life is not fair. (It never really was to being with, can’t most of us agree?) I really, honestly do feel for those of you who have been negatively impacted by this global incident. So I’m not boasting or bragging in any way. Perhaps, after hearing my open confession of being on the precipice of something terrible in my own life, you can take some bit of solace or strength in knowing that me personally - your friend - is having a positive reaction to all this. If you don’t know me well, or at all, then hopefully you can at least recognize that this isn’t a situation detrimental to everyone equally. Either way, I hope that some good will come out of this for ALL of us. For the entire global human family. Maybe - just maybe - we will come out on the other end of this strengthened as a human race. Maybe we will learn to take care of each other, to give everyone a fair shake. Maybe we can find better ways to treat our planet. Maybe we can find a more equitable distribution of wealth that makes sense, so that everyone - the world over - can experience life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

The Way of the Wolf of Wall Street is hopefully coming to an end.

Peace to all of you. And Namaste.