Where the hell are all my deadheads?

 

Warning: this post starts out sweet and reminiscent, but then gets downright anxious and angry. How can I not be, though, considering my current predicament?

Like anyone is going to read this anyway LOL.

Next Friday, August 8, will be the 11 year anniversary of a first-of-its-kind historic concert — at least according to my information and understanding.

At the start of that year, 2014, I had been working full-time for 6 years at St. Bart’s Church on Park Avenue in NYC — a National Historic Landmark that sits as a spiritual oasis amidst the hustle and bustle of fast-paced midtown Manhattan. That mass shooting you heard about in the news 2 days ago took place literally 2 blocks from this church of which I speak. I guess I’m glad I don’t work in that neighborhood anymore.

At that time, though, I had also been singing in St. Bartholomew’s renowned professional choir for over 10 years. So, by the time 2014 rolled around, I was very well known, appreciated, and loved by many in the St. Bart’s community — choir, clergy, staff, and congregation alike.

I had played a few Grateful Dead songs at various church-type events in several locations over many years, but it had never dawned on me to ask about doing a full concert performance of their music. Whenever I envision the vignette of some random musician walking in off the street inquiring about playing a Grateful Dead concert in a sacred space, I always imagine that the response of the clergy and vestry would be to literally LOL in the face of the one making the request. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out, hippie!

But safely ensconced as a full time respected employee as well as beloved musical fixture in that space, I sheepishly inquired with Bill Trafka, the choir director, about doing a tribute concert at St. Bart’s for the late great Jerry Garcia. He responded with what I already figured: that he would have to ask the Board of Directors for the Mid-Manhattan Performing Arts Foundation — custodians of the St. Bart’s mostly classical concert series —  as they had final say and/or veto power over any and all concerts that took place within their hallowed halls. I hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. Surely no church would ever even entertain the idea of hosting such an event — not even my beloved St. Bart’s!

So I was not only surprised but deeply honored when Bill came back to me and said, “David, not only have they approved this idea, but they want to sponsor it!” And thus was born the evening: “Songs to Fill the Air: a Memorial Concert to Celebrate the Life of Jerome John ‘Jerry’ Garcia.”

I can’t even begin to encapsulate in words what transpired that evening, other than to say it was downright magical. The audience of close to 200 seemed equally split between deadheads who had never heard of David Bryan — but were curious given the august nature of the sacred Romanesque venue — and a bunch of St. Bart’s parishioners who had never really heard the music of the Grateful Dead — but wanted to support me because they loved me. By the end of the night, for the encore of Franklin’s Tower, we had hippies, priests, and little old church ladies dancing together in a frenzy in the pews and the aisles, some even holding hands swaying in a huge circle up front, with everyone catching onto the lyrics and repeatedly shouting together in final chorus: “Roll away the dew!”

At the post-show reception next door, I told one of the deadheads I met that I worked there full time, but really wanted to do THIS full-time instead. I remember his response verbatim: “Dude, you’re not going to be working here much longer!!” He specifically mentioned my rendition of Wharf Rat, in particular. (Linked above for your listening pleasure. Note the audience eruption afterwards.)

Oh, how right he was!

Of course it took 6 more years, but yes, I finally stopped working at St. Bart’s, but only due to the pandemic — during which I was unemployed for 2-1/2 years. I eventually landed another full time job, but as you all obviously know if you’re following anything I’m posting online, I am also no longer working there. It was just a terrible fit for both of us.

Either way, I constantly think back to that one comment on that one evening. And what it meant. What it was suggesting.

Oh, how wrong he was.

I’ve now been unemployed for over 3 months, I’m basically living off of credit cards causing my pandemic-bloated debt to spiral further out of control, my health insurance goes bye bye on Friday, and I’m most likely going to lose my apartment in the near future. And the deadheads — who likely number in the millions by now — for the most part have NO IDEA who the hell I am.

Oh, how disgustingly wrong he was.

So, at this point, when I soon might literally end up homeless and thus likely eventually rounded up by ICE and sent to an American made concentration camp, I have to ask:

WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL MY DEADHEADS??????

Because, you see, if you’ve done any due diligence perusing this Patreon page, you will find the following mentions of accomplishments of MY ORIGINAL WORK related to this band:

1. A Master’s thesis on “Grateful Dead Theology,” at the prestigious Ivy-league affiliated Union Theological Seminary, which received the grade of “credit with distinction.” I’ve been told my ideas are a 100% original take on the Dead phenomenon — and even told that my work is “incredibly important to our community.” I have been published in four separate books expanding on these theological ideas, and have presented at 3 separate academic conferences.

2. I managed to convince St. Bart’s —  again, a National Historic Landmark — to hold this first-of-its kind concert mentioned above, which unless I’m mistaken, hasn’t been replicated by anyone else in any major metropolitan area. (Don’t know about suburban or rural areas.) This album was professionally recorded and can literally be found on almost every single streaming platform available.

3. Regarding the claim in #2: well, okay, it has been pulled of at least one other time: BY ME! But this time in a subterranean gothic crypt — a New York City Landmark, and on the National Register of Historic Places: literally a concert of grateful dead songs surrounded by the interred ashes of dead people. I think we can all agree that’s also a first. And most likely a last.

4. Ah! But not quite the last! As I subsequently did a separate recording of a dead tune in the columbarium at St. Bart’s. Score 2 for the dead being played for the dead!

5. Just to add insult to injury, though, there was a third such major concert event! This one in 2019 at the Eldridge Street Synagogue — also a National Historic Landmark.

6. I’ve also written 3 Grateful Dead string quartets to accompany performance of the song by a singer/guitarist  — I know there are symphonic compositions for full orchestra, as well as straight up classical renditions, but I’ve done a lot of poking around and can’t find anyone else who has written dead string quartets intended to support the performance of the song itself.

7. AND for what it’s worth, I had an entire blog for several years devoted entirely to Grateful Dead theology — much less formal, less academic, and a little whacky, but still I put a lot more time into getting my thoughts and ideas out into the virtual sphere.

8. OH, and I’ve played with members of Ratdog, Phil Lesh and Friends, Melvin Seals & JGB, and Dark Star Orchestra.

9. OH, and I would put my 3-part harmonies up against ANY OTHER DEAD COVER BAND OUT THERE. Period.

10. OH, and I also had an “electric” bar-band version of my wholly unique take on their music — and with some pretty outstanding musicians in their own right!

11. OH, and I’ve also appeared in Jambase, Live for Live Music, and other publications about my work. (One reviewer called my electric band “The Best Kept Secret In Deadhead Land,” and wrote, “What JRAD is to a face melting, brain busting, interpretation of the Grateful Dead canon, David Bryan & Friends is the soothing soulful mellow opposing side of that same coin.”)

12. OH, and I was once FEATURED ON THE GRATEFUL DEAD WEBSITE. Our version of “Brokedown Palace” was chosen for the Dead’s version of “March Madness” brackets, and then was actually voted all the way into the Final 4 by the fans!

13. OH, and I was featured on the Grateful Dead website YET AGAIN, with that video in the St. Bart’s Columbarium mentioned above.

For fucks sake, what does it take?

ALL of this stuff is available online, and I’ve been pushing it as much as humanly possible, as I’ve been at this for almost 25 years. It’s just that, it’s one thing to be ignored. It’s a whole other ball of wax to be staring down the barrel of homelessness and destitution having produced SO MUCH ORIGINAL, UNIQUE, AND VARIED CONTENT in regards to this band.

Am I taking crazy pills, to think that there is something special about my work in this arena? Do I have delusions of grandeur??

If yes, then just tell me! No sense in me pulling out my hair any longer, maybe I should simply hang up my instruments and quit.

If not, then I guess I just suck at marketing myself??

It’s just that there’s this wall between me and this audience of millions that would likely take keen interest in at least SOME of the stuff I’ve produced. And I just can’t figure out how to break through. Hell, even David Gans has mentioned me on his show several times, but all for naught.

If you’re reading this and you personally know Pete Shapiro, maybe point him to this post? (Or Bob Weir LOL.) I mean, Jesus, get me in the room with that guy for one hour and I imagine my life could change forever.

I prefer the fantasy of “that” life change to the one I’m likely about to encounter. It just doesn’t make sense that that’s the road I currently seem to be going down (feeling bad LOL) after all I’ve given this community.

Oh well! I guess you can eventually see me busking on some seedy street corner! As long as I can afford god damn guitar or mandolin strings.