“Milk: it does a body good!”

 I was walking up the street in Harlem today to grab a sandwich from the deli, and ended up behind someone who had just left Whole Foods carrying two quarts — one in each hand — of 365 brand milk. He was tall, dark, and handsome, as they say — so I guess it’s true that milk really DOES do a body good!

Or does it?

Hell, I specifically remember ALWAYS buying a second carton in the cafeteria to go with my lunch growing up — even throughout high school. I guess it’s at least healthier than soda, right?

Or is it?

After walking behind Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome for a few blocks, I immediately thought about something which I’ve imagined many times throughout the years. (And I’m sure I’m not the first!)

Based on a cursory google search: when human women become pregnant, they start producing milk at around 16-22 weeks on average. Once baby is born, mother’s milk production lasts as long as they still latch on, and then eventually decreases and dries up once the child is weaned. The purpose of this milk production is to basically start the child in the process of growing up to become full bodied human beings, at least until they can start eating solid food.

Now, let’s turn to cows. Correct me if I’m wrong — as I don’t have the patience to do a deep dive researching — but isn’t the milk that mother cows produce intended to likewise nourish their young, so that their calves grow up to be full sized cows? I believe this to be true. And have you ever seen a cow in person? They’re quite large.

So what this means is that human beings have been conditioned to drink cow’s milk often throughout their entire lives — milk that ipso facto is created TO HELP BABY COWS GROW INTO LARGE ADULT COWS.

WHY THE F are humans drinking cow’s milk, often even into old age?

Worse, it seems we have been brainwashed into thinking that we even NEED milk in our daily diets:

Remember attending elementary school? Milk on every lunch tray! Middle school? Milk readily available and quite popular, as we simply continue our behavior learned in elementary school. High school? Milk readily available. But hey, at least now we get the option of chocolate milk. After all that conditioning, who can resist that tasty chocolate goodness to go with our daily serving of pizza and french fries? (Which were available DAILY at least in my high school, and I’m guessing at many other schools throughout the country!)

“Milk: the body needs it for everything!”

Big hurricane headed your way? Best run to the grocery store to buy — you guessed it, as you’ve heard the verbatim phrase for as long as you’ve been alive — BREAD AND MILK. Isn’t it strange that snowstorms don’t require we get fresh produce or even bulk packages of peanuts? Christ, they don’t even suggest you get lunch meat and cheese to go with your bread. Nope. The weather(wo)man and/or anchor(wo)man always utter (no homophonic pun intended lol) that same, tired phrase

What else??

Milk for coffee!

Milk for your cereal!

Milk goes great with your dessert!

A warm glass of milk before bed!

Folks, this is the result of a decades long government sponsored economic brainwashing campaign intended for one thing and one thing only: FOR RICH PEOPLE TO MAKE MONEY SELLING MILK TO BAMBOOZLED CONSUMERS. Or should I say consoooomers? This is not the result of some bovine - er, divine - mandate!

And, look, I’m not suggesting milk should be illegal. If you love milk, then drink it to your heart’s content! And, especially, like anything else you consume, moderation is key. Just understand exactly WHAT you’re drinking. And WHERE it comes from. And WHAT its actual purpose is.

Myself? I rarely touch the stuff. Which was a conscious decision after reading one random sentence from Michael Pollan’s “Omnivore’s Dilemma,” in which he discussed (paraphrased here) “cows being pumped full of antibiotics to make them think they are perennially pregnant, whilst tethered to machines sucking milk out of their udders most of their adult lives.” So, yeah. There’s also an ethical element to this.

“Dear Dairy, we have a diary problem.” NO WAIT.

“Dear Diary, we have a dairy problem!

Say that five times fast. 🤣

But, whatever. Far be it for me to interfere with the dairy lobby. God forbid some billionaires lose some money because people finally wake up and exclaim, “We will no longer COWTOW to your corporation!”

In the meantime, let’s continue that discussion about the ubiquitous weight problem America has.

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