He must be an Alien!

I recently reread “Still Life with Woodpecker” by Tom Robbins, and something really stood out to me. The two protagonists are both redheads, and it is posited throughout the novel that all redheads on earth are unknowingly vestigial descendants of an alien species that once sought refuge on earth. To be sure, in the narrative this race is credited with all of the bizarre phenomena on earth that seem inexplicable: the great pyramids, the statues on Easter Island, Stonehenge, etc. And there are also two ancillary characters who are presented as “Argonians,” a completely different race of blue eyed blonde haired aliens who were also on earth, tasked with hunting down and wiping out the race of redheads.

In real life, it has long been suggested that many of the unexplainable things about our planet can be attributed to extraterrestrials having once graced this big blue ball, before simply disappearing without any trace or proof of having existed here at all. I believe Tom Robbins is onto something.

They never left.

It is my contention that Donald Trump is the head of some kind of interplanetary military force sent here to take over the earth and subjugate its inhabitants. I can’t really think of a better explanation.

First of all, the guy stared directly into the sun during a solar eclipse with no ocular damage whatsoever — an absolute no-no according to anyone with an ounce of scientific knowledge. This action was akin to something Superman might do in the movies, an act that nobody on the planet could replicate without consequences.

Second of all, it is well known that Trump’s diet literally consists of nothing but cheeseburgers and French fries from McDonalds. We all are aware of the documentary of the guy who ate nothing but fast food for a month and the downright destruction it did on his health and well being. Trump has been gobbling up fast food his entire life with ostensible impunity to his health.

Third, remember when there was an assassination attempt and his ear was supposedly penetrated by a bullet? He covered it with a tampon for a week and VOILA it was miraculously 100% healed with literally no seeming physical trace remaining of this act.

Fourth, and not as demonstrable to supporting my claim, but the guy got a severe case of COVID and within mere days was back in full health with no symptoms or vestiges left whatsoever. Yes he had the top doctors in the nation attending to him, but the turnaround time for this recovery was questionable at best.

We’ve all surely seen the headlines that an alien spacecraft is possibly headed towards earth, with early November as the expected arrival date. I wrote about this a few weeks ago, if you need to catch up. Either way, this prognostication has now been upgraded to potentially three alien ships. Is it possible that those scientists making these claims are correct, and that we will finally for the first time be introduced to some of our intergalactic neighbors? If that be the case, I submit that Trump was sent long ago to pave the way and ready the earth for subjugation.

It is also documented that he speaks at about a fourth grade level — which provides golden comedic material as well as myriad facepalm moments for whenever he opens his mouth. But perhaps this race of infiltrators simply didn’t have enough time to adequately learn the language of the land they wish to lead.

Perhaps most of humanity are the descendants of something akin to the redhead race Robbins speaks of, who came here seeking escape from their oppressors — and the entire MAGA crowd are part of the subjugating force as well, sentries sent ahead of time to elevate and deify their leader to give that entire visiting race control over “we the people” of the world who simply sought a new life here from a life of domination.

It’s a tale as old as time, just this one is interplanetary by nature. And it explains how we got into this current predicament.

Personally, I hope this is true, because I can’t begin to fathom how so many Americans could be so stupid about literally everything in the face of the reality the rest of us live in. And if that be the case, I say let us welcome our new masters.

As I’ve stated elsewhere previously, at least it’ll be something novel.

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