Existential Angst - Part 2 of 3

Angst #2: Analytics

Oh boy. So as the title of this series suggests, this is the genuine me, baring my soul to the world for the second consecutive time. If you are reading this, please understand that I APPRECIATE you. This post, as I said the other day, should not be taken by any one person as singling them out. This is more of a “universal complaint.” Because numbers don’t lie.

I absolutely love the creator hub on TikTok, as it is incredibly user friendly — and as I said in a previous post, if they gave out certificates or diplomas, I would surely receive one for “Advanced Beginner,” and after only 3-1/2 months of learning how to use that platform!

But I absolutely HATE that I figured out how to access analytics on that site — the most detailed analytics I’ve seen for any site I’ve delved into. After feeling like I was slowly starting to build a following, I stumbled into their analytics section which left me wholly depressed.

I understand that the internet is jam packed with content creators trying to be seen and heard, but good lord. Like I said atop my Facebook blog post the other day, people on social media have the attention span of a cucumber. Analytics tell the truth about what you produce, and mine apparently are buried at the bottom of an internet estuary with the likes of swamp rats and silt.

So, just to use one example: I believe a few of you followed along with my recent “18 Songs to Fill the Air” series that was spread across numerous social media platforms. I absolutely poured everything I had into those videos, whilst following countless deadheads on TikTok in hopes of building an audience for these wholly original videos to accompany a wholly unique album of songs by the Grateful Dead — arguably the most popular band in history. I’m still new to that site, so I wasn’t necessarily surprised at the disastrously low video count for each — although I was hoping maybe at least one of them would “break through” and drive more traffic my way. Of the 18 videos, the highest count was 325, and the lowest was 27.

But by and large, most videos fell somewhere in the 150-250 range. Again, by TT standards, that’s pretty pathetic. But you have to start somewhere, right? So, I’m sitting on the bench with the JV squad over there, glad that my videos at least got SOME attention. Until I started looking at the analytics, that is.

One of the BEST videos I put together was a magical sounding rendition of “Days Between,” accompanied by a simple beautiful beach sunset — starting with the water and waves then panning towards a glorious sunset the likes of which nature rarely affords most of us. This video, like all of them, is exactly 59 seconds long. Analytics? Average watch time: 2.6 seconds. Watched full video? LESS THAN ONE PERCENT. Most of those 18 videos have similar numbers.

I then created what I thought was a rather creative comedic response to those miserable statistics — a “duet” video with that same “Days Between,” so that audio/video combo, but with me on the right hand side poking fun at the “short attention span generation.” Surely THAT video would go somewhere, right? It even uses an effects backdrop that has 2 cats behind me trying to pay attention to what I’m saying! But, apparently those cats were the ONLY ones paying attention. That video — which honestly seems like the kind of humorous video that would actually gain some traction on that site — got fewer views than the original.    

For this current post, I did a kind of personal “deep dive” on the analytics on Facebook for this same video series. Out of 18 videos, I received a TOTAL of 13 “likes” for the entire series. So, even though Facebook tells me that those videos garnered a similar number of views to TikTok, I can only assume that the analytics are basically the same. That people are just mindlessly scrolling, they come across my video, and they just keep scrolling. It makes me feel like the countless hours I put into those videos was all for naught. As I joked in the “humorous” followup: “What, you people hate nature? You can’t stand the beach?” LOL. (Not.)

But, alas! It’s not just my music videos! It’s also my livestream attempts. Whether I make a big to do and actually create an event with invites, or just go live with little fanfare, I’ve basically been playing to a nonexistent audience. Last week, I streamed for about 25 minutes — after creating an event with invites — with not a single person tuning in. Why did I put in all that preparation time, just to broadcast to my own walls? Even Althea doesn’t stay in the room when I stream! I must just be terrible at everything I’m doing.

But, alas! It’s not just my livestream events! It’s also my written content. Again, doing just a bit of a deep dive on my page, it seems that literally nobody is paying attention to this content, whether it be blog posts or weekly remembrances of people who have died. I just don’t get it. This is why I wrote in Part 1 of this series —  which I guess very few people will even read — that “I was actually surprised to get any response at all” to that infamous late night FB post. I have actually lately been wondering if there was some weird algorithmic ambush occurring on Facebook, thinking maybe for some strange reason my content simply isn’t appearing in anyone’s feeds? (Except for some Patreon supporters, who are the only people liking or commenting on any of my material.)

Here’s the real kicker for me, though. A couple of weeks ago I did a blog post claiming that I had found “the absolute cutest, most adorable little guitar lick that Jerry Garcia ever played.” Now, anyone who knows anything knows that Deadheads are THE single most discerning, opinionated music fans in the history of music. And here I was claiming that I, alone, had located the cutest lick he ever played. And I shared that post to numerous deadhead groups on Facebook, basically giving that short essay a reach of well over 150,000 possible readers. As best I can tell, two people read the post. I’m starting to feel like a virtual pariah at best, or even the internet village idiot at worst.

Overall, these are just heartbreaking numbers for a creative person to digest. I’m basically seeing no response whatsoever to literally anything I’m doing. Those who ARE supporting me on Patreon get automatic dispensation since they are financially backing me, but to be honest, I don’t know if any of them are even paying attention to my content either!       

So, IS it me? Do my once-upon-a-time friends and followers simply just not care about any of the diverse creative content I am putting out there? I mean, I even wrote an original song about Epstein and Trump — a subject which is in EVERYONE’S feed every day! So, surely that should have garnered some interest? Crickets. I did a RAP VIDEO. Nothing. I’ve been trying to stretch my creative attempts and endeavors. But it seems that all I’m stretching is my psyche and my insecurity.

Or are my posts really being relegated to a virtual dustbin, and nobody is even seeing my material at all? I did speak with a dear friend for a long time last night, and I guess I’m a bit relieved (?) to find out that, yes, in fact that is happening across the board for anyone on social media who is trying to do any kind of fundraising. So, I do apologize again for my outburst the other night, but it’s also a bit disconcerting that the internet itself is somehow actively working against me, especially as my unemployment insurance begins to wane.   

For about 2-1/2 months, I have poured my mind, soul, heart, and spirit into an incredibly diverse lineup of creative offerings. I’ve been posting said content on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Threads, Blogger, NextDoor, Substack, and a couple of email list serves I’m a part of. And overall, apart from a handful of faithful folk, nothing I’m doing is gaining any traction anywhere. So, just like I said in Part 1 of this series, that’s also been a tough pill to swallow. The best way to hurt a creative person is to simply ignore them. And I feel wholly ignored by the world right now. AND that doesn’t even really track with my past performance, as I felt so much more seen, appreciated, and supported during the pandemic.

I just don’t know what’s different now — other than the fact that in 2-1/2 months I’ve created more content than I did during the entire pandemic. Really, almost more than I’ve done over the course of my entire life. I didn’t expect to become an overnight internet sensation. But good lord, based on what I’ve produced, there should be at least some forward movement. I’m basically right where I was when I started. And it just doesn’t make sense. And has given rise to this angst I’m feeling. So, my FB post late the other night was really my way of asking the universe: why the hell am I even here? I guess I do just belong behind a desk.

Next up, part 3: Our Current Political Climate.

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