FFS, can we at LEAST agree on this?

Dear MAGA:

I will never understand you. You all seem to be fine with the shredding of the Constitution bit by bit. A Constitution that protects YOUR rights too, by the way. You have no problem with YOUR right to free speech being jeopardized. You all seem to be A-okay with unidentified, masked goons in kevlar likely purchased on Ebay summarily rounding up anyone and everyone they feel like with absolutely no probable cause — and then exported to third world prisons with no due process. Hell, some of you are even still supporting this administration after your OWN non-native born spouses have been shipped off to third world countries!

Listen, I get it. I don’t understand it, but I do accept the fact that some of you would physically pulverize me just because I think courtesy and compassion are desirable traits in a human being. Some of you would actually shoot me because I don’t care who goes to bed with whom at the end of the day. And some of you would purposefully and gleefully un-alive me JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT BEING BLACK IS NOT WORTHY OF A LYNCHING. Like I said, I will never understand why you are the way you are, but I’ve accepted that I’m likely going to end up dead just because I was raised to be NICE.

That being said, though, at long last I figured out at least ONE issue that we should be able to agree on: National Parks.

Now, I know that because of your demented minds, fractured brains, and broken childhoods that you don’t give a rat’s ass about animals — simply because so called “woke libs” think that animals are precious and shouldn't be shot for sport. Again, I just have to accept this. And I assume that you could give a crap about trees, clean water, or breathable air either. Because, again, OWN THE LIBS, right?

But here’s the thing. Our national parks and national forests BELONG TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. Of course originally they belonged to nobody — it was simply “the land” for millions of indigenous people who were born here before YOUR IMMIGRANT ANCESTORS showed up to exterminate almost that entire race of native sons and daughters because god told your forebears they could take anything and everything they wanted and nobody should prevent them from seizing this divinely mandated bounty. And I’m not entirely sure where all the remaining Native Americans will be shipped off to once their number comes up, but I guess we can cross that bridge later?

But, hear me out once again: THE NATIONAL PARKS AND NATIONAL FORESTS BELONG TO YOU. And me. They belong to ALL of us.

So, why are you all so gung ho to let this current administration take that land away from you, so that a bunch of stinking rich people can privatize, sell off, and develop that land in order to become even more obscenely wealthy? I know y’all have a billionaire obsession and believe that all of you will eventually be invited to join the rich boys’ club — NOT going to happen, by the way — but if that land is going to be sold off, aren’t you due a piece of the profit pie? Because — again — THAT LAND BELONGS TO ALL OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. Past, present, and future. If you just give it away because Fox News tells you that it’ll make the democrats sad, then you’ve been seriously had.

SO: can we agree that, at the very least, this is a line that we can’t let them cross? By the way, the White House, and the Capitol building ALSO belong to THE PEOPLE. They do not belong to Donald Trump and his ilk. I could use the same argument about those buildings as well (ALL federal and state government buildings, in fact), but I guess you really do believe you’re going to get a fancy calligraphy-laden invitation to Trump’s new golden ballroom when it debuts. (Again: YOU WON’T.)

But please understand that if you acquiesce on our National Parks and National Forests, then you are simply giving up your stake in what we all collectively own. I know critical thinking eludes most of you, but that’s just not very smart.

There’s not going to be much left to bargain with if you do this.   

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